Delusion

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Present

I can recall the moments I spent in the ambiance of your exhalation. I can recall the rush of warm air between our legs as we swayed on the dance floor. And it all feels like yesterday. But it was years ago. But yet, I feel so alone some nights. The soft ruffling sound of the maple leaves that are swept away by the floating breeze make me afraid. They make me feel lonely. They make me feel like a child in a haunted house. Yet as the night air brushes my body, I feel calm.

26th March, 2005

“Kareha, are you coming?”

“Yes sir.”

It was the summer of 2005. All the students of Hilton High school were on their way to a field trip. I was always very shy and did not want to interact with other people so I sat with my home room teacher as my only friend was sick and absent. I slid back my seat and put my earphones on. But not for one moment could I be in a position of tranquility. The boy in the seat behind constantly tried to adulterate my composure. He kept kicking on my seat. I did not want to deal with him so I tolerated with patience but soon it was too disturbing to condone.

“Excuse me, would you mind not kicking my seat? Thank you.” I turned back and said in a very polite manner. But the smirk on his face made me lose equanimity.

“What’s wrong with you?” I stared directly at his azure eyes. It may have been the first time I looked at someone so directly.

“I’m sorry.” He kept staring at me looking like he wanted to ask something. It took our teacher’s chaotic cry for silence to disperse our vision from each other. I immediately looked front, awkwardly recollecting why I stared at him in the first place. 

“Excuse me, um…what’s your name?” he asked from behind. I turned and answered his question . I did not ask his name, though I wanted to. The whole journey was placid. I slept more than half of the journey. When we came to a stop, my home room teacher ushered me to get off and I obliged. I did not look for the boy with the blue, beautiful eyes. I was too engrossed in the fresh air and striking greenery of the place to notice anything. Maybe that was why I did not notice the shadow behind me.

“Ahem. Um…hi, my name is Raven. I just wanted to apologise for the incident in the bus.” I looked behind to meet the beautiful azure eyes of an inarguably attractive guy. He looked flushed, maybe from the journey. But his eyes still struck with electrifying energy. The colour of his iris seemed to reflect more than the colour. Something more that I could not decipher.

“It’s alright.” I said with a smile plastered on my face. He stared at me like he had never seen a girl before. I felt awkward but some unknown force was holding me in my place, not letting the eye contact break. In those few milliseconds something changed in me and something changed in my life.

26th March, 2009

It was our anniversary. I was always exhilarated on this day. It’s been 4 years since I first met Raven. It was 8:30 when I woke up. I called him as soon as I brushed my teeth. 

“Hey sunshine. How are you?” His honeyed voice soothed my ear. We talked for a while but then I had to leave. Fariha, my best friend, was waiting outside for me. But I did not want to mention that. Raven’s behavior had changed a few months back. He would become psychotic if I’m not with him every second. He kept saying that he feared losing me and he would become possessive of me, often too much. He also didn’t want me hanging out with anyone other than him. He felt that people would ‘steal me’. Not even Fariha. It was kind of frightening. But I loved him, enough to overlook all these. All these odd behavior started when his father suddenly left at the end of last year leaving him practically an orphan as his mom died when he was young. He was so broken. At first, it was hard for me to deal with his overly possessive ways. But I knew he was just afraid of losing more loved people in his life, I could see it clearly in his eyes.

3rd April, 2009

Screeching sounds, painful cries and splattered blood on white marble floor. I could still see those same electrifying blue eyes. The ones I fell in love with. But they were not the same. They reflected anger, pain and a vendetta to hurt anyone on its path. They mirrored destruction, pure destruction. No passion, no love. No traces of my old Raven. Once his presence made me act out of character, smile like a lunatic. But right then, I could only shiver in fear as I perceived my best friend’s blood on his white shirt. Salty liquid covered my pale dry cheeks. A loud sob and he saw me. Fear crept through my spine making me shiver. He was coming for me. Thud, thud. I felt my life slowly dissolve in front of my eyes. But he never came for me. He never appeared again.

Present

I feel calmer than usual. The faint light from the moon illuminates the whole balcony. I close my eyes and the picture of his cerulean eyes appear in front of me, looking straight at me. He never came. I jerk my head to dissipate the thought. I hate him. He was a murderer. He is a murderer. He was never caught. He is still out there, probably looking for me. He never came. Tears involuntarily make its way down my face.

Is it wrong that I want him to come back?

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I'm a student and I'm into literature, every form of it. I'm a Muslim. I believe, I hope and I possess the needed attributes that are necessary to feel human. I like to try new activities, hence i always have too much on my plate. I believe I am friendly enough. When I read, it feels like a window to another person's life. I become overly attached to the characters and cry when they do. A similar feeling engulfs me when i write. I feel every bit of emotion my characters or any characters feel. My favourite book is "looking for Alaska" and "pride and prejudice".

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