The Abyss it Calls me and Who am I to Refuse?


Asphalt. Aluminum. Asbestos. I have no idea why these funny sounding names of elements are the things taking over my mind currently. Why despite an eventful day where I navigated through a sea of precarious time bombs to come out in one piece, the one thing that i would be thinking of is elements. Elements are not necessarily friendly, but elements are necessary. Maybe that’s it then. Maybe my mind is being spoken to, telling me that adversity is inevitable and necessary.  I shunned negativity for too long. Perhaps it’s time I embrace it. Embrace it not as a foe but as a teacher. Get beaten up by it. Get hurt. Hate it more. Until i can’t take it anymore. Then another double dose of it. And survive. Be educated. Be tougher. Grow.

Aluminum. Asphalt. Asbestos. There’s always something to be thankful for. Even adversity. Especially adversity. Next time you hit your toe against the corner of the table and you wail out your favorite profanities, say thank you. Say thank you for giving me pain. Thank you for showing me a glimpse of the suffering millions go through. And learn from it. Grow.

It’s so difficult. I don’t know why and when I start I think it’s not so bad, ultimately it’s actually brilliant. But it’s so difficult. Even now as momentum picks up and sheds me of my inertia, there’s this ridiculous barrier that springs up at the oddest of moments, threatening to pull me back into that state. A state of venomous denial and ignorance. But oh so blissful! Or so it seems, because the venom is sweet and slow acting, so you want to keep feeding it into your body, wanting it to bathe you, envelop you in its fumes as it destroys your conscious mind, robs you of your intellect and curiosity and passions, leaving you as a husk of your former self. But a happy husk? Is that even possible? Drained of most emotions, cocooned within this void of venom that controls you like a master puppeteer. I should try and fight it. Understand my roles. Reject the sweetness. ….. Mmmm…. So good….

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