10 Don’ts — The Doomed Night

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Let’s face it, all of us have, are or will have to endure this ordeal for the upcoming days. Those of you who still haven’t got a clue as to what I’m referring to, it’s the ‘Godfather’ of all the worst possible phenomena every despondent student has to encounter in their academic tenure—The Night Before Exams. It never ceases to drive us to the point of insanity like calculus does, and mind you despite the fact that we never forget to include ‘study hard this semester’ every time in those useless New Year resolutions, somehow, our eternal quests to revive that abysmal CGPA basically ends up as another terminated mission. Therefore here are 10 pointers on how to survive the inevitable night. They are NOT failsafe however, and may vary subjectively so don’t go around blaming yours truly if they don’t apply to you.

The Don’ts:

  1. Procrastination/Brooding/Lamenting: If you’ve been there and done that, you would know that staring at the doodles in your note copy or the whitewashed wall of your room will not take you anywhere. Brooding and procrastinating are a big NO NO if you want to avoid that big, red ominous F; and trust me the sight of  your oh-so-beautiful grades pinned to a board on public display doesn’t have much of a visual appeal like Salma Hayek or Chris Hemsworth. So stop ruminating on the lectures spent breaking candy crush records every time you look at the mountains of handouts, slides and books to be covered.  It won’t do you any good, child.
  2. Social Networking—#Facebook #Youtube: Be it ‘Hero Alam sweeping girls off their feet’ or ‘that cute dog video’  you have already watched for the umpteenth time on Youtube, they don’t need more views, so please give it a rest. And whether your secret  crush liked your 100001th profile picture is irrelevant, null and void. For this night only. So even if deactivating your Facebook account for one night costs you your precious life, do that, because life will indeed be ‘tama-tama’ if you don’t take necessary precautions.  
  3. Gossiping/Bantering: No this is not the ideal time to conference about juicy scandals and rumors about the guy next door or that ‘girl with perfect features whom you cannot stand’ with your BFF over the phone. Leave them for post exam celebrations or it’s going to be a ‘black letter day’ for you. Now you decide, ‘mourning day’ or ‘partaayyy?’
  4. Sleep is for the Weak: Every single time we have an exam knocking (banging actually) on our doors, sleep is just bound to entice us . Reject their invitation for you have a war to wage. Nevertheless, not endorsing crazy all nighters because an overdose of cramming has its own adverse consequences. You don’t want to wake up in a demented state of disorientation on Apocalypse day, do you?
  5. ‘ Say NO to Torrent’: Yes, your eyes may be itching to get glued to that new TV series or to enlighten yourself on who kills who on Game of Thrones (unless of course spoilers have ruined it for you). So remember one word. Patience. Otherwise premium quality ‘Bangla Baash’ awaits you, my friend.
  6. Group Study? Uh no thank you : Be very wary of ‘group study sessions’ with your best mates/besties. They are ‘Chilling Sessions’ in disguise. And if your bosom friend tries to tempt you with that new inclusion on the Takeout menu? Again. Self-control is the key to success.
  7.  ‘Ditch Dawats/Weddings’: The ‘kacchi biriyani’ will be appetizing, and the kebab scrumptious. For the average foodie weddings and invitations are always heavenly. But you don’t want the question paper to devour you on the next day, do you?
  8. Barca on fire? How about repeat telecast?’: Especially applicable for guys who would throttle me for saying this, yes I am perfectly emotionally responsive to the pitch fever excitement of a live football match, but the 90 mins+ ‘break’ can give your grades a nice recess as well. So steer clear of the telly.
  9. ‘Hi sweetie! Who sweetie?’: Priorities, my friend. Distance yourself from that *ahem* *coughs* ‘special someone’. Even better idea? Block that specific number on your cell.  N.B: Writer shall not be held responsible for the havoc wrecked afterwards.
  10. To the ultimate Gamer: Mobilizing your army to raid a village tonight? Better raid that 500 page pdf, no? The ‘intense’ Clash of Clans and FIFA sessions can wait surely?

There you go.  Avoid the aforementioned ten and you’re good to go. And if all fails, then just keep your fingers crossed for a divine miracle.

Cheers!

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With an irrepressible zeal for writing, Lamia Mohsin constantly tries to outperform herself and strive for better. Overambitious and a dreamer, she aspires to be a development economist one day and play a role in making this world a little more livable. A bookworm , she idolizes two literary geniuses, Khaled Hossaini and Satyajit Ray.

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