The water alleviated my sorrow, my anguish to a bare minimum. Slowly I let the water fill my lungs. Serenity, tranquility and placidity. I began to close my eyes and enjoy the peace. Suddenly, some vile obstruction destroyed my peace.
“Are you okay Sebastion?” The rays of the burning sun penetrated my azure eyes. I was not okay. I wanted to be free. Free from this clustered, colourless life. Without her my life had no meaning, no freedom.
“What were you even thinking? You could’ve died! You wanted to die?” exclaimed Jafar. He was infuriated.
“No.” I muttered calmly. I did not actually want to die. I just, I wanted to feel free, feel deliverance.
“Do you want to find her? We know she’s in New York and I have my car. Let’s go.” I jumped up and hugged Lucus. They were trying their best for me. I knew. I believed that I would see her again. That’s what made me jump in the car. That’s what kept my conviction alive, even though her whereabouts were not that clear. I believed I would see her.
“I’m like a maze. I attract but I astray.” The phrases from her lustrous lips kept ringing in my ears. At first when I heard this, I was completely dumbfounded and I thought the phrase had no meaning. She used to write it down on post it stamps and stick them on her enemy’s locker, car etc. But now that she’s no longer around, I actually understand it’s meaning. It’s like an actual maze. You become curious and get inside but you are not the one playing ; the maze is. It attracts you but you can never win no matter how many times you play. It leads you further away from yourself. In a good way or a bad way. You become its game. Maybe that’s what happened. She found someone else to be her game.
The boisterous breeze kept slapping at my face. I could feel her even in the air. I remembered how before she disappeared, we would sit together and listen to old JT songs and she would sing the lyrics even though she could not sing at all. But to me her voice was perfect. She and I were never that close. We belonged to different levels. She was a “cool kid” and I was a nerd. But we lived near each other and have known each other since five. She was my best miracle. She loved adventures and mysteries. Maybe she loved them so much that she became one.
Five hours of searching and asking around got us nowhere. I was sitting on a dark, ash pavement, listening to JT songs that she liked when suddenly Jafar came sprinting. “I got something.” he said almost breathless. I was too overwhelmed to even speak.
“Someone saw her at the nearby café but she was waiting there for a bus. The old lady there said Ana took a bus to Georgiana but before, she left a note saying a guy with awkward steps and dark brown hair would come looking for her. She gave this to you Sebastian.”
I slowly took the white folded paper. Eyes started twinkling as I laid my eyes on her handwriting…
“Bash. Hi. If you’re reading this then my calculations are correct. I knew you’d come. Bash, you are not the nerd that people think. You are fierce and wild and alive. You are liberated. I never was. I felt like a caged bird. I had wings but couldn’t fly. I left because I needed to be free. I craved freedom so much. But I wanted to leave back something for my partner in crime. I left you a book of my favourite poems. Read them, understand them, feel them. I found my freedom at last. Believe me Bash when I say that I badly wanted to take you. But you are yet to discover your happiness, your true meaning of freedom. Find your great beyond. – love Ana”
Tear drops streamed down my pale face. I loved her. I wanted her. I wanted to find her. She was my best friend. Why was she gone? I started crying violently. I cried. I cried to relieve my emotions. I cried to alleviate my sorrow. I cried to drown.
The teardrops alleviated my pain to a bare minimum. I smiled towards the windy, wild, open road beyond. It’s okay if I don’t find her. It is okay. Someday I will be free too. I will be in her state. She was happy, uncaged, unfettered. She was liberated and I cried because I probably would not see her again, and I smiled because someday, I will achieve my own liberty. I would be able to sense her metaphysically. She would be in the air I breathe in and out. She would be the glowing sun. She would be everywhere.
She would be my freedom.